The Surseen Method for Identifying Your Style Words
There is a lot of talk in the personal style world about identifying a few words to describe your unique sense of fashion. I recently read Allison Bornstein’s book* that worked through her three-word method. I’ve watched stylists on social media go over their strategies, and I’ve even tried some different processes with my clients. I agree that having 2 to 3 words that shape your concept of your personal aesthetic can be a great beacon for guiding shopping and styling decisions. I also think the need to identify the “right” words on your own sometimes adds unwarranted pressure to this process of self-discovery.
What I’ve figured out is that it’s really difficult to come up with “the” words on our own. We can name the big, broad words that we all want to feel: confident, comfortable, attractive. But the pieces and outfits that make each of us feel this way will be different. So how do we drill down to words that aren’t so ambiguous and are in fact, more personal?
Let’s go back to the story of how the name Surseen was created. I wanted my clients to feel authentically “seen,” above (“sur”) all else. But the name of the business was also an ode to my mom. When I was a little girl and we would stop at a gas station, my mom would come back to the car with a miniature Reese’s cup. When I was having a tough day, she’d swing by TCBY for a parfait. When she’d be out running errands and see trinkets with names etched on them, she’d scour the rack to bring home mine. She’d always look so delighted to bestow upon me these little unexpected gifts - sursees as she’d call them.
Receiving those sursees always made me feel seen. Not for my accomplishments. Not for my behavior. Not for any particular reason. Simply for being me.
I think it is the people in our lives like my mom who truly see and appreciate us for who we intrinsically are - our parents, spouses, childhood best friends or even that new mom friend who seems to just “get us” - who can help us with the task of identifying our personal style words.
My strategy is simple. Don’t ask yourself what your clothes have in common or the way you want to feel in them. Ask that person (or people if you’re so fortunate) the following questions and note the words that pop up:
What are some words you would use to describe me?
How would you describe my style (can include your home, clothes, music, etc.)?
What is your favorite memory with me and what feelings does that memory evoke?
Let me give you some examples of what this has looked like with a few of my friends/clients.
Maggie
Maggie is a mom, wife, and someone with an s-silhouette. In that regard, she’s feminine. She also loves to fish, be outdoors, and wear hiking gear, and is viewed by her (mostly) male clients as a bit of a badass. She wants to be taken seriously professionally, feel admired by her husband, and aligned with her overall desire for comfort as a busy mom. She and her husband noticed that the clothes she was drawn to were all in the muted color palette that mimicked a rainbow trout, and her husband started referring to her as his “pesca wife” - so her terms are intentional + pesca. No one else has to understand what this means, but it guides Maggie (and as her stylist it now very much guides me when I’m shopping/sourcing with her in mind).
Marlyse
My friend Marlyse is pure joy. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered her without the biggest smile and wave accompanying her greeting. One night, we had taken our girls downtown for a First Friday art walk. While we were out, a debacle amongst our 5-year olds over some gifted bracelets occurred and we were both trying to recover the situation when Marlyse referred to something as “wonky donkey.” That phrase to others might sound like something is “off” but to me it immediately signifies the unadulterated joy that my friend seems to bring to all situations. In that tense one, the unexpected nature of her words had us all laughing. She is also Hispanic and shows a lot of reverence for her culture. She volunteers for organizations that serve our local Spanish-speaking population, teaches high school Spanish, encourages her child to be fully bilingual and recently came over to watch a football game wearing a t-shirt that said “dale seis,” Spanish for give them six, referring to a touchdown. My words for Marlyse are reverent + wonky donkey, which symbolize her balance of joy and playfulness and her intentionality and reverence for things she holds dear.
Lauren
Another friend of mine recently left the corporate world after decades in it, and has gone through a bit of self-discovery through her career transition. When she realized that she could dress more casually in her professional pursuits, she stumbled upon the term “boho business” and liked what it represented. However, she has also lived in Spanish-speaking countries and speaks the language fluently, so she is drawn to bright vibrant colors and prints and some more structured fabrics. She is also a sucker for any garment with a fruit print on it. Typically boho and structured colorful attire would seem to contrast, but mixing the two opposing styles is what makes it feel unique and personalized to Lauren. Her words are boho + business + vibrant.
I find that our unique word combinations help us most when determining whether to purchase a piece or when we have the foundations of an outfit, but need inspiration for those final touches. These word combinations can help each woman when she’s getting dressed to make sure she incorporates elements that pull the look together in a way that feels true to her. The most important part about this concept, however, is that the words can change. If they feel helpful, reference them. If they no longer suit you or they don’t fit how you want to feel for a particular occasion, don’t hold on to them too tightly.
Style words are just one of many tools you can use as you discover the outfits that make you feel most authentically like you - like you are excited to show up and ready to be (Sur)seen.
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