The Middle
The thought leaders from whose works I have learned have often gained their knowledge by making it to “the other side” of some figurative mountain that many of us are still climbing. For me, the mountains upon which I am still grasping for handholds along the way include parenting, caregiving, entrepreneurship, writing, marriage, friendship, and general fulfillment. The folks whose works I’ve read or listened to are able to share what they learned from succeeding as much as they are from first failing. I think it is wise to heed such advice, of course with a grain of salt and an understanding that everyone’s route may vary slightly or even wildly.
I, however, have certainly not made it to the other side, so why read the words I publish? I hope it is for the sense of camaraderie you feel we share - to know you may be in the middle, sometimes struggling to determine in which direction you should take a step (or leap) - but you’re not alone. I feel as though almost everyone I meet lately is experiencing some sort of scenario in their lives where they can only define it as being “in between” where they were and where they’re headed. I have not yet gleaned the magical “5 steps to a more fulfilling life” or anything of the sort. Instead, you are joining me in the very midst of my journey. It struck me as I was listening to the words of Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” on the radio the other day just how apt those words felt for my life now, even though I thought they were speaking directly to me as a freshman in high school 23 years ago.
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else
I have been thinking a lot about the middle lately as someone living out the epitome of the “sandwich generation.” I am buying baby wipes to clean my preschooler’s messes and pull ups for my mom. I am caught playing pretend and nodding along to the scenarios each one presents to me. And in some ways, isn’t there beauty in that? That my daughter’s grandmother can play right along so well because she doesn’t even know she is supposed to be pretending. That I don’t have to juggle an adult conversation in between my daughter’s many interruptions. That they can each be so easily entertained by the other and that I get to bear witness to that. Sometimes, being sandwiched feels extra sticky, like I’m the marshmallow cream getting pulled in both directions at the same time as the two halves of bread are pulled apart. What I’m finding is becoming easier with having full time care for my mom, though, is that I often feel more like the extra creamy peanut butter melting into the crevices of bread on each side, just being fully immersed in the situation.
Last weekend, I had dinner with two of my college roommates to celebrate one of their birthdays. The birthday girl’s husband tagged along and asked which of the three of us had changed the most since college. We all acknowledged that we had grown but our core personalities and values hadn’t really changed that much. The birthday girl then shared that she had seen a shift in me not so much over the past decade and a half but in the past several months. She said I seemed more at peace. I couldn’t help but think about what in my life had shifted in that same time period. I have been going to therapy for a couple years now and I think the efforts there are starting to pay off in noticeable ways to those around me. Several months ago, though, we moved my mom to a memory care community nearby. I don’t think I ever could have imagined the impact that shift would have had on me. While it still feels like I’m so much in the “thick of it,” it took my friend’s objective perspective to remind me how far I am from the beginning of this particular piece of my journey, and though I may still be in the middle, I’m likely closer to the end and have an improved outlook to show for it.
We talk about being in seasons of life, but unlike the transition from summer to fall, there is no set calendar to guide us. Without pre-determined start and end dates, our perception of how long a season lasts can be thwarted. We can feel like we’ve been “at it” for so long, when in reality, we have progressed so much farther towards our next capstone moment than we realize. If you feel like this particular season you’re in is dragging on, keep going my friend. You are making strides that are hard to see until they are in hindsight, but with every step you are moving steadily toward your next chapter.
