Thwarted
Mom celebrating her 70th birthday!
I woke up feeling excited about today. I sat up thinking “third time’s the charm!” My mom’s caregiver and I have been trying to coordinate a meet up halfway between the two of us to celebrate my mom’s 70th birthday. The first visit was pushed back when my mom’s caregiver hurt her foot and was wearing a boot, making a day of driving and exploring a city difficult. The next week, my daughter’s daycare closed due to a pink eye outbreak (yay, toddlerhood years). This time, we had included one of my mom’s oldest and dearest friends who lives close to where we were meeting. She booked a lunch reservation for us and was excited to join us. After getting Luna up and fed, I checked my phone to see my brother had sent a text. Oh no. My brother is not an early riser, so I knew the message wouldn’t be good. My mom had woken up with a very bloody nose and a bad cough. She needed to be taken to urgent care, so our trip would be delayed once again.
I called my mom’s dear friend to let her know we would have to reschedule. I hated to tell her the news, but it was so nice to speak with her on the phone. She told me that she is approaching 78 years old and in those years she has only mis-judged someone’s character twice. One of those times was when she underestimated my mom’s kindness. She said that when she first met her, she thought there is no way anyone is genuinely this sweet and caring. Over the years, she was gladly proven wrong. She said that every time she would point that out to my mom, the compliment was always batted down. If you read my recent post about the messages we tell ourselves, you’ll see I get it honest.
I switched gears and handled finalizing our tax return (this year, an especially big yuck), ran to Target for a few “needed” items, and then grabbed my laptop intent on heading to my favorite window bar in my favorite coffee shop for a productive afternoon over a bagel and iced latte kind of lunch. I arrived at 12:14 PM to be told that they were not serving food, not taking drink orders after 12:15 and they were closing at 1:00 PM. Ok, thwarted once again. I went to a different location, ordered the same combo I was already craving, set up shop in their window and am able to jot all this down now. Sometimes the u-turns, roundabouts, yields, and missed turns bring us to exactly where we need to be at the right time. The podcast I was listening to ended right when I was pulling into this stop. Maybe I needed to hear the entire message before sitting down to write. Maybe I needed the change of scenery, looking out a window at trees instead of a highway. Maybe I just needed another chance to practice patience and flexibility.
I mentioned reaching out to my neighbor with cancer in one of my previous posts. She is now on hospice care at home. I was fortunate enough to visit with her alongside another mutual friend, one who has known my neighbor much longer and much more deeply. To be privy to that visit was an honor. I felt a little like an intruder but would not have changed a thing. I wanted my neighbor to know just how much of an impact she made on those she encountered, no matter how well or how long she knew them. When we left, my friend mentioned that a project she had been working on had stalled out a little bit and though she was ready to move forward, she was being held back by forces outside of her control. I pointed out that maybe those holdups were providing her the space and time to visit with this dear friend of hers in a very precious time of her life. It’s so easy to tell someone else why they should relish the chance to slow down while struggling to do the same.
I’ve been in this state of limbo trying desperately to figure out where I’m supposed to be channeling my energy. I’m ready to embark on the next phase of my career journey and am taking steps to do so, but I’m still drifting a bit. Until the full picture materializes, I will try to appreciate what feels like stalling out as providing the space to listen to someone who knew my mom before I existed tell me how much of a positive impact she has had on her life. My mom’s friend told me she wished I could have known my mom in the time before she was a parent, because she said she was “just so wonderful.” I don’t doubt that. I know how I have changed as a parent and I can only imagine a similar transformation occurred for my mom as well. I don’t necessarily wish I could have seen my mom prior to me, because I think the fact that she had that time separate from my awareness is what makes it special. However, to know that she was delightful, to know that someone who knew her intimately then still loves her dearly now tells me all I need to know. I was such a daddy’s girl and knew how tricky the mother/daughter relationship could be, so I initially thought I’d be a better boy mom. Now, I think someone knew what they were doing providing both my husband and me with a daughter. I think we each needed the relationships we were afforded with our only child. I’m continually recognizing how fortunate I have been to simply know my mom, let alone call her mama. I can only strive to do my best following the example that was set for me so that one day my daughter feels the same.
